Now I fully regret letting you in because I unintentionally made your world expand.

This is very selfish of me, but I don't want to share you with anyone else.

I bailed out on driving practice today.

TAMMY TANGA TAMMY TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGAAAAAA!

By the second semester, I will be expected (and forced) to drive myself to Ateneo using our 5-year old battered Toyota Vios that, unfortunately, is running on manual transmission. :| I won't be able to use Humbug, my spanking new (and automatic!) Honda City, until I "master the art of driving a manual".

I honestly don't see the point of practicing on a manual car when I'm gonna end up using an automatic one anyway. :| It's just a waste of time, gas and left foot power. :| MOTHER AND FATHER, PLEASE BESTOW UPON ME THE PRIVILEGE OF DRIVING MY CAR. :|

Gah, homework. :|

Mother Nature is being such ass; she deliberately made it rain for the whole week just so that I'd be miserable in Ateneo.

Chuck you, Rain.

Chuck you very much.

I'm starting to lose my drive. A few weeks before classes started, I told myself that I would do my best to excel. Now I'm just trying my hardest to stabilize my sanity every single day. As much as I love you Ateneo, I just can't seem to let go of my past life yet.

St. Paul, I really hate the fact that I miss you.

Today has seriously been, by far, the most embarrassing day of my whole entire life. I seriously want to disappear right now. Like, poof, Tammy begone/disapparate/evaporate/condensed milk (speaking of condensed milk, I could definitely use some fruit salad right now).

Sadly, my embarrassment is not the only thing haunting me right now. EN12. LIT13. WHY DOES THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE HATE ME? Why can't I be a good public speaker (*mutilates self*)? I even had to volunteer as the class beadle for Lit13 just so that I can save face. :|

Okay, I was obviously lying. I volunteered because being the workaholic that I am, I just love bombarding myself with "extra-curricular activities" such as running to and fro Macci (which is the Matteo Ricci Hall in Ateneo slang) and the Rizal Lib, making friends with Ate Alma and the other photocopy ladies, and carrying huge ass loads of photocopied readings. I'm also the beadle for Botany Lecture, which I honestly regretting getting myself into because Dr. Tolentino scares me.

But this being the third day, I should probably get over it. 3 and a half more months to go!

There was definitely this one point in time wherein I could still write freely without committing any grammatical errors.

That seems so far away now.

I really should not be writing a blog entry at 2 in the morning because in three hours' time, I will be waking up and getting ready for school.

SCHOOL. And this time, it's a whole new level.

COLLEGE. I don't even look even look like a High School student, much less a graduate.

I'm very excited. And scared. And frustrated. Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling. All I know is that my heart is pounding too loudly that I can't sleep because of it. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do later. Will I meet my future husband (Probably not, since I want him to be a hot foreigner haha)? Am I gonna be a loner kid for two hours after Lit13? Should I spend my break sleeping in the lib? Will I be able to wake on time (I'm doubting this too, but it's free to dream)? Am I even gonna make new friends? Will Ma'am Tolentino bury me alive during Botany Lec?

God, even after 4 transfers, I'm still not used to being a new student.

(After five minutes of typing this blog entry, my eyelids still refuse to droop. Oh well. I guess there really are things we will never fully understand. I'll probably try to put myself to sleep later.)

Being in a congee-like state is no fun at all.

Today, I am congee and not sabaw because if I were sabaw, I would not be making sense. Right now, I am completely sober (even though I had a bit of a drink last night) and am 98% aware of what I am typing. Therefore, the term sabaw does not apply to my condition, and thus confirming my congee-like state.

Today, I am congee because I feel very heavy and malapot. Figuratively speaking. I can't seem to stop crying because of that. I know I should be feeling happy and fulfilled but somehow, the loneliness that came with it is just too unbearable.

Today, I am congee because I feel like there's something missing. I can't be goto without the egg. I need the egg, but I don't feel like I deserve it.

Today, I am congee because as of the moment, I feel very very very very weird. Like an incomplete connect-the-dots picture. Or a rubix cube.

"My happiness is your happiness."

I need to go out soon.

There are a couple of things I just realized over the past days.

1. People change. And when they do, they start irritating you to the point that you wonder, "How the hell did I make friends with this annoying little shmuck?"

2. In relation to the first item, even though they annoy you, you still miss them. But you can't relate to them anymore, so motivation to build bridges = nil.

3. I will never win a game of Snakes and Ladders against my little brother. Especially when he's too cute to be true.

4. Coming home to the Philippines after 4 days of being surrounded by "high-end" shops abroad makes you realize how crappy the stuff here are. Especially their stock of Paul Frank shirts in Rockwell (which may be of last year's fashion).

5. I seriously don't regret not joining Trumpets Playshop this summer because if I did, I wouldn't be having the time of my life right now. (SGP TOMORROW :">) And God forbid, I wouldn't wanna be part of this year's class.

6. Some things are just not meant to be. It made me feel sad when I heard about it though.

7. When you don't think about it, that's when you really don't think about it. Being distracted is the best way to move on. I think.

8. I thought I was fat, but when I saw the Chamorro people, I started to appreciate my body more. I should still do crunches after waking up though.

9. I really need a haircut. And an effective alarm clock.

10. I'm back in the Philippines. Hello driving practices. Hello people I don't wanna see. Hello MMDA jerks.

... because I am watching old Disney animated movies again on Youtube, and like always, I find myself being attracted to animated men like Captain Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He's a cartoon, for heaven's sake Tammy! And he's OLD.

I should really stop watching cartoons. On Youtube.

Everything will surely be alright.

I'll be fine.

( Rant. You honestly don't need to see this. )

___

I barely update this now. My regards to Plurk for keeping me highly amused during my states of boredom.

This kind of happiness... it was never meant to last.

ASDFGH BAKIT KA LASALLISTA?! KADIRI. Hahaha. Discrimination. Dream over. Game over.
_____


I'm playing Windows DOS games on my Mac. Blast from the past. Haha. I can't believe these games only take up around a hundred kilobytes of disk space each! It's like, gamer heaven! Just imagine how many games I can save- millions, or even billions!

Tuwang-tuwa naman ako.

_____


Dear world. I love the Wonder Girls. Should I be shot?

Just a quick post before I go on hiatus:

SHIT. Jon McLaughlin playing the piano is wayyy hot.

Bye. I'm off to Ilocos once more. (Actually, sa Wednesday pa, but I love being early. Not.)

I cried while watching Beauty and the Beast on Youtube. Should I be ashamed of myself?

But I still find it amazing that even after all these years (it has been a good 9 years since I've watched it), it still has that effect on me. Somehow, I feel like a little girl again- I even cried and cursed at Gaston when he stabbed Beast! I haven't done anything like that in ages!

Gaston: "And every last inch of me's covered with hair!"

Man. The Disney Classics are the best. HSM, The Jonas Brothers, and Hannah Montana should all burn.

I missed your presence. Welcome back to the real world.

____

I'm a sucker for school supplies and organizers. 8-| While on the way to Megamall from Shang (I was on my way home when my mother -bless her- made me walk all the way back to Megamall because "we're going to eat dinner there"), I could not help but pass by the Fully Booked branch in Edsa Shangri-la Hotel... because of the Knock Knock notepads.

(See them for yourself! Go to http://www.organize.com/collection-knock-knock-notepad.html)

Here's what I have done so far:

1. Rot. I think my IQ went down because of the heat.

2. Eat a lot of junk. (Ice cream! Cheesy snacks!)

3. Play video games from dawn until dusk. (Diner Dash! Me and My Katamari!)

4. Go to school. (I have no idea why. I'm that bored. D:)

5. Sleep.

6. Wait.

I absolutely hate the tinola cooked by our maid.

I hate the fact that it's green. (Seriously, who wants to eat mucus-colored slop?)

I hate the fact that it has cabbages. (One day, while I was chopping cabbage, I found a worm hiding in one of the crevices inside the cabbage. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.)

I even hate the fact that it has sayote- even though I don't eat the sayote.

But most of all, I hate the fact that my mother (because she's the one who tells the maid to cook it) serves it EVERY WEEK. Twice in one day, even. And sometimes, twice or thrice in one week.

Walang buwan ang lumipas na hindi ako lumamon ng tinola niya.

NO MORE. PLEASE. MAKE IT STOP.

(But I guess I should be thankful, because not all people get to eat tinola for lunch AND dinner. Some don't even get the chance to eat tinola at all. So thank you, Ate Maid, for your tinolang hindi lasang tinola.)