I find it somewhat annoying how my grandmother manages to creep me out every time I'm cramming my way into the wee hours of the morning. She just did so a few minutes ago, while I was fixated on highlighting crap about The Folk Tradition of Filipino Literature (but actually, I was playing Flash Flash Revolution on my Macbook because DDR is a very bad addiction). She suddenly crept up behind me and whispered in her soft, eerie voice,

"Tammy, anong oras ka maliligo?"

I swear, she's gonna be the death of me someday. :)) Baka unahan ko pa siya. I kid, I kid.

__________


I LOVE DRIVING.
I SWEAR.
THANK GOD I'M 17 NOW.
I CAN FINALLY GET A DRIVER'S LICENSE.
3 MORE MONTHS TILL I GET MY CAR! >_<

___________


I have this feeling that it's fading. A little bit, but still fading. This sudden distance between us made me realize just how impossible it is for it to happen.

Maybe it's better this way. At least we'll I'll know what my priorities are.

For windblownglass:

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR CARELESSLY LEAVING THOSE PICTURES OF DEAD PEOPLE ON YOUR DESKTOP. THAT WAS SRSLY STUPID OF ME. DX

But I'm glad that I made you feel better today. *hugs* ILU! En/Lit would srsly be incomplete without you (and _ _ o _ >_< XD).
______


BOTANY IS FOR WITCH DOCTORS.

And although it is true that I'm planning on becoming a doctor someday, I still don't see the point in trying to make sense of the vascular tissue system of old woody dicot stems if I'm gonna end up not using any of the shit I've learned anyway. I can't believe I'm exhausting my neurons for this.

In other news, today was a crappy day. X| I cut two subjects to finish my English homework only to find out that the deadline for submission was moved to next week. Holy Mother of Crayola. X| Dismissal was better, though; my research group for Botany finally has some direction, all thanks to consultation period with Ma'am Tolentino. I swear, I love her now. >_<

And gah, must establish distance from him. T_T Chivalry is not dead, so I will die waiting! DX

Disappointment bites my ass all over again in the form of a three-letter word with two consonants and a vowel. Or name, rather. *turns into a green-eyed monster and gobbles photosynthetic organisms*

I know I really shouldn't be expecting anything to come out of this, but you're making it too hard for me to turn away. If you don't like me, then don't bother me at all.

I feel like a wreck.

You're not supposed to do this to me.

Now I fully regret letting you in because I unintentionally made your world expand.

This is very selfish of me, but I don't want to share you with anyone else.

I bailed out on driving practice today.

TAMMY TANGA TAMMY TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGA TANGAAAAAA!

By the second semester, I will be expected (and forced) to drive myself to Ateneo using our 5-year old battered Toyota Vios that, unfortunately, is running on manual transmission. :| I won't be able to use Humbug, my spanking new (and automatic!) Honda City, until I "master the art of driving a manual".

I honestly don't see the point of practicing on a manual car when I'm gonna end up using an automatic one anyway. :| It's just a waste of time, gas and left foot power. :| MOTHER AND FATHER, PLEASE BESTOW UPON ME THE PRIVILEGE OF DRIVING MY CAR. :|

Gah, homework. :|

Mother Nature is being such ass; she deliberately made it rain for the whole week just so that I'd be miserable in Ateneo.

Chuck you, Rain.

Chuck you very much.

I'm starting to lose my drive. A few weeks before classes started, I told myself that I would do my best to excel. Now I'm just trying my hardest to stabilize my sanity every single day. As much as I love you Ateneo, I just can't seem to let go of my past life yet.

St. Paul, I really hate the fact that I miss you.

Today has seriously been, by far, the most embarrassing day of my whole entire life. I seriously want to disappear right now. Like, poof, Tammy begone/disapparate/evaporate/condensed milk (speaking of condensed milk, I could definitely use some fruit salad right now).

Sadly, my embarrassment is not the only thing haunting me right now. EN12. LIT13. WHY DOES THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE HATE ME? Why can't I be a good public speaker (*mutilates self*)? I even had to volunteer as the class beadle for Lit13 just so that I can save face. :|

Okay, I was obviously lying. I volunteered because being the workaholic that I am, I just love bombarding myself with "extra-curricular activities" such as running to and fro Macci (which is the Matteo Ricci Hall in Ateneo slang) and the Rizal Lib, making friends with Ate Alma and the other photocopy ladies, and carrying huge ass loads of photocopied readings. I'm also the beadle for Botany Lecture, which I honestly regretting getting myself into because Dr. Tolentino scares me.

But this being the third day, I should probably get over it. 3 and a half more months to go!

There was definitely this one point in time wherein I could still write freely without committing any grammatical errors.

That seems so far away now.

I really should not be writing a blog entry at 2 in the morning because in three hours' time, I will be waking up and getting ready for school.

SCHOOL. And this time, it's a whole new level.

COLLEGE. I don't even look even look like a High School student, much less a graduate.

I'm very excited. And scared. And frustrated. Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling. All I know is that my heart is pounding too loudly that I can't sleep because of it. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do later. Will I meet my future husband (Probably not, since I want him to be a hot foreigner haha)? Am I gonna be a loner kid for two hours after Lit13? Should I spend my break sleeping in the lib? Will I be able to wake on time (I'm doubting this too, but it's free to dream)? Am I even gonna make new friends? Will Ma'am Tolentino bury me alive during Botany Lec?

God, even after 4 transfers, I'm still not used to being a new student.

(After five minutes of typing this blog entry, my eyelids still refuse to droop. Oh well. I guess there really are things we will never fully understand. I'll probably try to put myself to sleep later.)

Being in a congee-like state is no fun at all.

Today, I am congee and not sabaw because if I were sabaw, I would not be making sense. Right now, I am completely sober (even though I had a bit of a drink last night) and am 98% aware of what I am typing. Therefore, the term sabaw does not apply to my condition, and thus confirming my congee-like state.

Today, I am congee because I feel very heavy and malapot. Figuratively speaking. I can't seem to stop crying because of that. I know I should be feeling happy and fulfilled but somehow, the loneliness that came with it is just too unbearable.

Today, I am congee because I feel like there's something missing. I can't be goto without the egg. I need the egg, but I don't feel like I deserve it.

Today, I am congee because as of the moment, I feel very very very very weird. Like an incomplete connect-the-dots picture. Or a rubix cube.

"My happiness is your happiness."

I need to go out soon.

There are a couple of things I just realized over the past days.

1. People change. And when they do, they start irritating you to the point that you wonder, "How the hell did I make friends with this annoying little shmuck?"

2. In relation to the first item, even though they annoy you, you still miss them. But you can't relate to them anymore, so motivation to build bridges = nil.

3. I will never win a game of Snakes and Ladders against my little brother. Especially when he's too cute to be true.

4. Coming home to the Philippines after 4 days of being surrounded by "high-end" shops abroad makes you realize how crappy the stuff here are. Especially their stock of Paul Frank shirts in Rockwell (which may be of last year's fashion).

5. I seriously don't regret not joining Trumpets Playshop this summer because if I did, I wouldn't be having the time of my life right now. (SGP TOMORROW :">) And God forbid, I wouldn't wanna be part of this year's class.

6. Some things are just not meant to be. It made me feel sad when I heard about it though.

7. When you don't think about it, that's when you really don't think about it. Being distracted is the best way to move on. I think.

8. I thought I was fat, but when I saw the Chamorro people, I started to appreciate my body more. I should still do crunches after waking up though.

9. I really need a haircut. And an effective alarm clock.

10. I'm back in the Philippines. Hello driving practices. Hello people I don't wanna see. Hello MMDA jerks.

... because I am watching old Disney animated movies again on Youtube, and like always, I find myself being attracted to animated men like Captain Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He's a cartoon, for heaven's sake Tammy! And he's OLD.

I should really stop watching cartoons. On Youtube.

Everything will surely be alright.

I'll be fine.

( Rant. You honestly don't need to see this. )

___

I barely update this now. My regards to Plurk for keeping me highly amused during my states of boredom.

This kind of happiness... it was never meant to last.

ASDFGH BAKIT KA LASALLISTA?! KADIRI. Hahaha. Discrimination. Dream over. Game over.
_____


I'm playing Windows DOS games on my Mac. Blast from the past. Haha. I can't believe these games only take up around a hundred kilobytes of disk space each! It's like, gamer heaven! Just imagine how many games I can save- millions, or even billions!

Tuwang-tuwa naman ako.

_____


Dear world. I love the Wonder Girls. Should I be shot?

Just a quick post before I go on hiatus:

SHIT. Jon McLaughlin playing the piano is wayyy hot.

Bye. I'm off to Ilocos once more. (Actually, sa Wednesday pa, but I love being early. Not.)